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# Why Women Quit Jiu-Jitsu
- URL: https://fightingmatters.com/why-women-quit-jiu-jitsu/
- Published: 2025-04-21T02:18:18.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-12T05:18:10.000Z
- Description: Why do so many women quit Jiu-Jitsu—and what can we do to fix it?
- Author: Fighting Matters
- Tags: Podcast, Video, Women in BJJ, Gym Culture

Why do so many women quit Jiu-Jitsu—and what can we do to fix it?  
  
In this candid and eye-opening episode, Fighting Matters sits down with Shelby York of Rough Hands BJJ to talk about the real reasons women leave the sport. From casual misogyny to unsafe training environments, Shelby shares the often overlooked struggles women face in martial arts—and what coaches, training partners, and gym owners can actually do to make things better.  
  
Also featuring hosts Steve Kwan, Jesse Walker, and Mike Mahaffey.  
  
✅ Topics include:  
 • The subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways women are pushed out  
 • Why some gyms feel unsafe—and how to fix that  
 • How to build a culture where women want to train  
 • The difference between intimacy and sexualization on the mats  
 • Shelby’s own stories of navigating the martial arts world as a coach  
  
👉 Whether you run a gym or just want to be a better training partner, this conversation is a must-listen.  
  
[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&ref=fightingmatters.com) Introduction and Guest Introductions  
[02:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=143s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Women in Martial Arts: Experiences and Challenges  
[07:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=427s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Shelby's Martial Arts Background and Perspectives  
[10:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=629s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Misogyny Problem in Martial Arts  
[16:13](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=973s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Navigating Gender Dynamics in the Gym  
[24:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=1481s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Addressing Subtle Forms of Misogyny  
[26:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=1569s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Understanding Victim Blame in Self-Defense  
[27:16](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=1636s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Role of Physical Attributes in Martial Arts  
[28:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=1691s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Gaslighting in Martial Arts Training  
[30:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=1814s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Communication Styles in Self-Defense Training  
[32:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=1939s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Addressing Sexual Assault in Self-Defense  
[35:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=2107s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Importance of Women's Voices in Martial Arts  
[36:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=2205s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Recognizing Trusted Aggressors  
[39:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=2354s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Reality of Self-Defense Situations  
[40:21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=2421s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Empowering Women to Speak Up  
[42:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=2546s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Navigating Male Receptivity in Conversations  
[47:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=2865s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Creating a Safe Training Environment  
[53:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=3182s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Challenging Gender Stereotypes in Sports  
[55:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=3304s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Navigating Gender Dynamics in Training  
[57:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=3473s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Empowerment and Consent in Martial Arts  
[01:00:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=3614s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Creating Safe Spaces in Jiu-Jitsu  
[01:03:01](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=3781s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Building an Inclusive Gym Culture  
[01:10:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4av7JGuuZDo&t=4210s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Importance of Genuine Interactions  
  
#jiujitsu #bjj #womensbjj #martialarts #selfdefense #grapplingculture #fightingmatters