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# Fighting vs. Violence: What’s the Difference? (w/ Jay O’Shea)
- URL: https://fightingmatters.com/fighting-vs-violence-whats-the-difference-w-jay-oshea/
- Published: 2025-09-04T10:15:14.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-12T05:17:10.000Z
- Description: In this episode of Fighting Matters, Jeff Shaw (Bellingham BJJ) and Mike Mahaffey (Old Bastard BJJ) welcome special guest Jay O’Shea. Jay is a martial artist, scholar, and the author of Risk, Failure, Play: What Dance Reveals about Martial Arts Training.
- Author: Fighting Matters
- Tags: Podcast, Video, Self-Defense

In this episode of Fighting Matters, Jeff Shaw (Bellingham BJJ) and Mike Mahaffey (Old Bastard BJJ) welcome special guest Jay O’Shea. Jay is a martial artist, scholar, and the author of Risk, Failure, Play: What Dance Reveals about Martial Arts Training. The team tackles one of the deepest questions in combat sports: what separates fighting from violence?  
  
From the role of consent in Jiu-Jitsu and self-defense, to the rise of fascist fight clubs and the political stakes of play, this conversation explores how martial arts can shape culture far beyond the mat. Along the way, we dig into injuries, toughness, the gift of fear, and why rules and etiquette matter more than we realize.  
  
The takeaway: martial arts aren’t just combat; they’re a practice of play, respect, and democracy.  
  
⸻  
  
👥 Featuring:  
  
Jay O’Shea — [https://janetoshea.com/](https://janetoshea.com/?ref=fightingmatters.com)  
Jeff Shaw — @JeffShawBJJ  
Mike Mahaffey — @OldBastardBJJ  
  
  
⸻  
  
🧠 Topics We Cover:  
  
• Fighting vs. violence, and why consent makes the difference  
• The culture of saying “no” on the mats  
• Fear, denial, and the gift of fear in martial arts and politics  
• MMA’s fascism problem and the politics of combat sports  
• Martial arts as play: rules, etiquette, and respect  
• Why collective culture beats hyper-individual heroism  
  
⸻  
  
📖 Chapters:  
  
[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&ref=fightingmatters.com) Introduction to Fighting Matters  
[01:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=69s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Distinguishing Fighting from Violence  
[04:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=260s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Complexity of Consent in Martial Arts  
[09:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=581s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Normalizing Consent in Training  
[12:39](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=759s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Role of Fear in Martial Arts and Life  
[20:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=1204s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Confronting Denial and Fear in Society  
[28:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=1695s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Fascism and MMA: A Growing Concern  
[30:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=1820s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Complexity of Combat Sports and Society  
[33:37](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=2017s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Rise of Oligarch Masculinity in Martial Arts  
[36:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=2178s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Fairness of Competition in Sports  
[41:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=2480s&ref=fightingmatters.com) Play, Creativity, and Martial Arts  
[50:59](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPJWm3avmlQ&t=3059s&ref=fightingmatters.com) The Role of Martial Arts in Combating Authoritarianism